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Post by Kat on Nov 17, 2005 11:32:23 GMT -5
Ace looked at Chip when he spoke Italian again, a weak smile on his face. What was the deal with all the Italian? It was a beautiful language and he loved hearing it, but if Chip had something to say to him, he wanted to be able to understand it. He had a feeling it must have been something important-- he knew at least that amore meant love. Why would he say something potentially that important in a language he knew Ace wouldn't understand?
"If you have something to say to me, say it so I can understand it." He looked up at Chip, feeling a little sad. Whe did he always have to ruin every good moment for himself? He often joked with his friends that he must be suffering from some sort of chemical imbalance in his brain, shifting his moods constantly, but what if it was true? What if his constant swaying back and forth between happy and sad wasn't just a product of his past? He looked away from Chip, out into the water. Maybe he should have just stayed on the beach with his friends, instead of causing himself more grief, and probably causing a bit for Chip as well. Was it selfishness that he driven him to pulling Chip away, alone?
(Just a note, Ace's mood swings are just from his past, he's not going to turn out bi-polar or anything, he's just confused!;)
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Post by Cres on Nov 17, 2005 11:39:24 GMT -5
[[hehe he's adorable like that though]]
Chip wasn't so confused over what Ace was thinking or feeling when the boy looked so obviously sad and looked away. He wasn't surprised over Ace's moodiness, though. You couldn't expect anything completely logical from someone who had went through what he had. He felt a little bad, however, or more than little, in fact. The boy's words sounded too much like a scold not to affect him in any way. However, the sadness about Ace worked to smooth the affect of his words, and instead of pulling away in indignation, like he might have done with anyone else, he let his hand trail onto Ace's neck and lower his head near the boy's ear.
"I only said I love you, my love," he said very softly, kissing Ace's earlobe gently while burying his fingers into the blond hair. "I'm sorry... but I have never said that before... to anyone. It's difficult for me."
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Post by Kat on Nov 17, 2005 12:09:57 GMT -5
Finally hearing it in English, Ace was a little relieved. He was still completely shaken up over his emotions though, there was still a lot of doubt and curiousity in his mind. Without even thinking about it, he turned his head and looked up at Chip.
"I'm sorry, I guess I'm just so used to hearing it from so many people and I say it to people all the time..." He trailed off a little, and turned his gaze back to the water. "I'm sorry for that, for ruining our moment. You'll find I have a habit of doing it." He just wished that for once his mind could have shut off and that they could go back to where they had been moments earlier, exploring each other's bodies in the water. But as always, he'd had to go and bring the mood down.
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Post by Cres on Nov 17, 2005 12:28:02 GMT -5
Chip couldn't help but feel bad. In fact, he felt horrible. He felt he had put himself on the line there by saying those words, and not get anything in return. The moment was more than ruined for him. Half of him wanted to just turn away and walk away and let it be the end of it. He loved the boy, but he was hurt. He had hardly ever shown his vulnerable side to anyone, and this once he had done it with Ace, and even if not hearing it back and not getting a happier reaction was not the end of the world, it hurt him into a place where he had not let anyone hurt him before. It might have ruined everything.
The only reason why it didn't was that Chip understood that the boy didn't mean to do it and that it wasn't really his fault. He probably didn't even realise what a slap in the face he had just given Chip. To him, Chip figured, it was just bringing down the mood. And besides... Chip didn't know what was going through Ace's mind. Had he done something to remind Ace of what had happened to him? Was it just general leftover hurt from six years ago? Whatever it was, Chip recalled his promise. He wouldn't hurt Ace. He would keep the boy safe. With a great effort Chip managed not to move away. With even greater effort he managed a little smile, though anyone who could read faces well could tell that he felt wounded.
"It's... ok," he said quietly, and managed to fight off a little more of the wounded feeling both from within and from his expression. "Look, I'm sorry... it's not your fault. I shouldn't do that, I guess, it's just that... never mind." He moved his hand down from Ace's neck to behind his back, where the other hand was as well, and pulled him in for a hug, hoping that could make it better at least for a moment. He needed a moment to get his feelings in order, to be able to say more.
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Post by Kat on Nov 17, 2005 12:44:02 GMT -5
When Chip spoke and looked at him, Ace could feel the immediate change in his body language. He had been so concerned with screwing up such a nice moment, screwing up what could have been an amazing day, that he had completely overlooked the fact that Chip had said that he loved him. He'd just brushed it aside in the face of his own issues, overlooked the importance of it due to his own feelings. Immediately he could feel tears welling up in his eyes and he clung to Chip, trying to keep from crying so he could talk.
"I'm so sorry! I can't believe I was being so selfish that I didn't even think about what you'd said, all I could think about was myself and my own expectations of today and..." He stopped himself short of launching into some big long explanation of what was going on in his head. He pulled away from Chip so he could look up into his face.
"I love you, too. I was just waiting for you to say it first because I wasn't sure if you really felt the same way, which is pretty stupid because it's so obvious that you do and I'm such a selfish jerk and I'm so sorry." He collapsed back against Chip, his whole body shaking. One of the few moments to look forward to in a relationship and he hadn't just ruined it, he'd utterly trashed the life out of it. Now he was worried that Chip might start to realize just how much emotional baggage he had and that maybe he'd feel like it just wasn't worth the hassle.
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Post by Cres on Nov 17, 2005 12:57:23 GMT -5
[[*sniff* I'm so totally crying right now... ]] Having the boy collapse into his arms was something Chip had not anticipated. It served for two things, though. First, to catch him completely off guard and second, to confirm to him that it was just Ace's emotional baggage working against him. It made him both feel better and feel worse. The last thing he wanted to do was to make the boy cry. He would have wanted to apologise, but he wasn't sure what to apologise for. So he ended up wrapping his arms tighter and pressing his head against the creamy hair, holding Ace in a way he hoped would tell the boy that he was there for him. "Now, now, calm down," Chip said. He was by no means going to leave now. He had promised Ace he would be there for him, knowing full well that it might be a lot of work and moments like this. He hadn't cared about the painful part. He still didn't. As long as there was the other part. He kissed Ace on the top of his head. "It's ok, Ace, calm down," he said, feeling rather like crying himself - though more because of mixed emotions than anything else - but was able to hold it calm. "I knew what to expect when I promised to be there for you. I said I'd take care of you. That's what I'm going to do. Calm down. I don't think you're a jerk." He tried to lighten up the situation with a smile and an addition: "Do you really think I'd love a jerk?"
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Post by Kat on Nov 17, 2005 13:20:43 GMT -5
He did feel better when he felt Chip hold him tighter, the other's calming words having an effect on him. He really needed to stop freaking out over everything. He looked up at Chip, traces of a frown still there. The last words Chip had said had impacted him a litle differently. He knew Chip would still love him when he was acting like a selfish brat, but how could he possibly still love himself when he was doing it? He didn't want to cause anyone so much trouble, but he always ended up doing just that. Up until now, though, he'd only had himself to cry to about this.
"Chip, I have to be honest with you. Earlier there I was thinking that everything would be okay, that I would be fine with everything as long as you were there, as long as you loved me." He paused for a moment to take a breath, still struggling a little with controlling his tears. "It's just hard because sometimes, I don't even love myself. I'm so hard on myself, I know I shouldn't be but it's a hard habit to break after years of doing it. I just, I really don't have the level of confidence in myself that everyone thinks I do, that I pretend to have. Sometimes I just do things or react a certain way and it makes me feel so horrible about myself. I kind of get lost in the feelings."
Explaining this side of himself was helping to calm him down. He didn't even like to admit to himself that he wasn't happy with the person he'd turned out to be, knowing it was stupid. He was honestly an amazing person with so many talents and was a great friend, but sometimes it just wasn't enough to overlook everything else that was bringing him down.
He sighed and put his arms back around Chip's neck, kissing him on the chin. "I love you, and even though some days I might act like I don't believe it, I know you love me too, and I know that eventually with your help, I'll love myself again. It's just probably going to take a lot longer than I want it too. But I believe you'll make a big difference with me, Chip, and I want to make sure you realize that. I love you, and I need you. And I apologize for anything stupid I'm going to say or do in the future, because it's bound to happen a lot in the beginning." He started smiling a little toward the end, and kissed Chip again when he was done.
At least one good thing with his drastic mood swings was that he could go from being sad back to happy just as quickly as he'd dropped originally. And right now, after divulging a little more of his personal issues with himself, he was feeling a lot better.
(OMG he's like a psychologist's dream come true! My poor baby:)
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Post by Cres on Nov 18, 2005 2:25:32 GMT -5
[[haha he is indeed! *goes fetch her psychology books* ]] Chip was still surprised at how openly the boy talked to him. It made him feel rather bad, in fact, within, for the simple reason that he himself had not been as open, and wasn't sure if he even could be. He wanted to be - he wanted to tell Ace a lot about himself, things he hadn't really told anyone but that his two best friends might have already concluded anyway. But then, there were other reasons he wasn't sure if he could or should tell Ace. There were some parts of his life he didn't want to share with the boy because he didn't want to put him in danger. And then there were some things he didn't know if he could tell him because he was supposed to be the strong one in this relationship. He was supposed to be the rock. Chip refused to take into account the fact that if he never spoke about himself, the relationship could never last. He was used to putting his own needs aside for others, and he didn't really even consciously notice doing it anymore. He was happy that Ace seemed to feel better after getting the explanations out of his system. Chip had to admit that what he said really made Chip only want Ace more. Even as much as he had always craved for someone who could be the rock for him, more than that he had always wanted someone who he could protect and who would need him. In some strange way, Ace's problem with self-confidence even worked to add to Chip's interest in him. He wasn't sure why. Certainly he wanted to help Ace get back his love for himself, but did he on some level still enjoy also being with someone who was less confident? Perhaps so. Colorado, despite his outer appearance, had a certain set of insecurities, which Chip was used to manipulating. Did he really enjoy manipulating others? Decisively Chip pushed those thoughts from his mind. He didn't want to go there now. There was too much pain and confusion in those thoughts. Something of them did stay, however. He looked at Ace and studied his face for a while, still rather serious. His mind moved on to some things he wanted to clear with the boy. They might as well do that now. "I understand," he said. "Believe me, I do." He paused for a moment, thinking, then suddenly picked the boy up from the water, into his arms again, and started to wade back on shore. "Look, I want to talk to you about something. Important. And I think I'd rather do that on the shore." He carried Ace over to the sand again, and then put him down carefully, just a little ways off of the ocean. He sat down next to the boy and turned to look at the sea again, his face very thoughtful for a moment. Then he turned his eyes to Ace. "I need you to understand something, Ace. About me, my situation. About why I can't make it public that we're together." He looked a little uncomfortable. "There's nothing in the world I'd like more than to be honest about it, to let the whole world know. I don't really care. I don't care if there are people who would look at me funny after that. I don't care if I'd get fired from the school. Those aren't my issues." He crossed his legs and leaned forward, drawing little circles in the sand as he spoke. "It's about my family, really. I don't know if you've realised it yet but me and my old man don't really get along too well. On a personal note, I wouldn't care shit if he found out and cut his ties to me for it. Which he would do. But right now, at least, I can't afford to risk it." He looked at Ace, pausing for a moment, considering if he should continue, but feeling he needed to tell the boy now that they had this moment alone. "You think Vinnie is dangerous? Wait till you learn to know my father. Oh, he looks nice enough. Like a sweet old guy, I'm sure you'd think that if you didn't know... he's a really charming personality, I can guarantee you that. At least that's the impression he gives to everyone. But I know him better than that. In truth... he's ruthless and merciless. If he found out about me, he wouldn't hesitate to tell the school right away. Then he'd arrange for me to get fired from the factory. I got the job through his connections in the first place, if he pulls the plug then I'm out on my ass. I can't afford to risk that right now." He took a deep breath and reached his hand to take hold of Ace's, and he looked at the boy deep in the eyes. "But that won't be the case forever. Once I get steadily on my own two feet... once I have a career he can't interfere with... I will tell him. I'm not planning to live a lie forever. That's not how I'm built. I want you to know that. I'm not just a coward who's afraid to tell he's gay to a bunch of relatives he cares shit about. It's far more complicated than that. If it were just about losing a father I never really had, I'd do it right now. But it isn't just that." He hoped Ace would understand.
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Post by Kat on Nov 18, 2005 8:04:55 GMT -5
He wondered again what Chip was thinking when they were standing there, even moreso when Chip picked him up and carried him out of the water to sit on the beach again.
When he brought up his family, Ace listened, storing everything away in his head. He wasn't surprised at all to hear about it, but as he listened he still felt like there was something Chip was hiding. When he finished talking, Ace grabbed one of Chip's hands, squeezing it tightly. "I'm not surprised, I mean after all, you are Italian. Italian families have a bit of a bad track record with this sort of thing." In fact, he remembered Rex having told him a story once about a boy he used to be friends with when he lived in Italy. At 13 the boy had decided to be honest with his family about his sexuality, certain that they would accept him. The next time Rex had seen the boy had been when he'd snuck into the hospital after being forbidden by his own father to ever talk to him again. Being gay was not something openly accepted by a lot of Italian families, especially not families with mob ties, like Rex's had. He hadn't told a lot of people about his family, but before he started dating Ace's cousin, he'd wanted to be honest with him about it. It had been a little mind blowing at first, but Rex knew how to look after himself.
As he looked at Chip he started to wonder if there might possibly be any ties in his family. Maybe he'd ask Rex if he'd ever heard of the Tirano family. He wasn't really sure what he'd do if he ever found out that Chip was a part of it. For now he pushed those thoughts out of his head, certain that if there were any real danger, Chip would tell him.
"I don't expect us to be public anytime soon, Chip. As long as I can have you when we're alone, that's enough for me right now. I'd personally rather wait until I'm out of school and away from some of the problematic people there before I really made it obvious." His thoughts briefly drifted to Lightning. If he ever heard that Ace and Chip were together, he kind of worried about the results. Lightning would make sure Jasmine knew, and Jasmine would tell her father, who would raise hell at the school and not stop until Chip was barred from returning to any educational field and Ace's life was made miserable. "I don't think anyone on the beach will make much of what they saw today, though. So I think our secret is pretty safe for now." He looked back up at Chip, hoping there was nothing else that was eating at him inside that he wasn't divulging.
(Ace won't be talking to Rex about anything Mafia related until after the whole abduction thing goes down, don't worry;)
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Post by Cres on Nov 18, 2005 8:21:58 GMT -5
Chip was happy that Ace seemed to understand so well. Not that he'd truly doubted, but not everyone would have understood. His affection as well as worry toward Ace grew, though. He didn't know what would happen, in the end. He wasn't sure if he would be able to live an open gay life in the end the way he planned to. He planned to prove his worth to the Rosacci family, separate from his father, and to show them that if they pulled the plug on him they'd lose someone valuable. And when Dan settled into his role well enough, he'd be able to protect Chip too. But would hatred and bigotry win in the end? He knew that there were a lot more fervent Catholics than the Rosacci family, but they did abide by the Pope's orders, at least mostly. Would Tin decide that Chip needed to be cut off, and after that, killed, because he knew too much to be allowed to ever leave the mob? He didn't know. It was a gamble. He suddenly wasn't so sure if he wanted to bring Ace into that gamble. He half regretted ever having put himself to this, but then... the love he felt for the boy was too strong. He couldn't let go. Not for as long as he could believe that there was a chance for them.
Chip smiled a bit to what Ace said.
"Yeah, I know I'm not the only one who might get into trouble if this ever came out too early." He grew more serious. "In fact... it's you I worry more about, anyway. I need to... handle Vinnie somehow. He's frustrated with his life, and with no one giving him any breaks, and I know it isn't really his fault that he's such an asshole, but it does make him explosive."
He smiled and decided that they were going too far into depressive line of thinking again. In a sudden move, he turned round and leapt like a big cat at Ace, felling him on his back on the sand, and pinned his hands down while holding himself up on his elbows.
"But yes, I think our secret is pretty safe for now. In fact, the thought that we're quite cosy here with no one to bother us on this beach gives me some ideas."
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Post by Kat on Nov 18, 2005 9:18:18 GMT -5
Ace smiled a little sheepishly at Chip when he brought up Vinnie. "I wish you'd pointed that out to me that night at the club before I went off and acted like a total asshole to him." He remembered that night, how incensed Vinnie had gotten. As scared as he often got of guys, Ace did love to flirt with danger, for some reason.
When Chip pounced on him and pinned him down he smiled. The more Chip kept surprising him and leaping at him, the more it just proved that he really did trust him, since it had gone from scaring him to getting him a little turned on. Now that Chip knew everything, Ace was free to take all the joy out of being over-powered as he wanted to. He looked up at Chip, putting on his best naive expression. "And just what kind of ideas are those?"
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Post by Cres on Nov 19, 2005 2:31:42 GMT -5
Chip felt a tad more guilt when Ace mentioned he might have said something about Vinnie earlier. Well, he hadn't realised Vinnie'd take such a keen hatred toward the boy, even if he had been a little worried at the time.
However, Ace's reaction to him jumping on the boy and pinning him down was rather promising. He smiled and looked devious.
"I don't know, let's think," he said as though thoughtfully. "I suppose something like this," he then continued after a short pause, and, with a smirk, put his head down and started to kiss Ace from the neck just below the chin downwards, on his chest, covering him in slow, meticulate kisses over every ripple of muscle, mercilessly making his way toward the boy's swimming trunks.
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Post by Kat on Nov 19, 2005 9:07:21 GMT -5
Ace squirmed a little when Chip started kissing him, nothing but delight and love in his eyes. He was kind of hoping Chip would keep pushing his boundaries today, taking him just a little furhter down the road to recovery. He closed his eyes and was determined not to think too much about this, to just let Chip do whatever he was going to do and just enjoy it.
He put his hands on Chip's head, playing a little with his hair, pushing his body up to meet wherever it was that Chip would be kissing next. He was ready for this, he wanted it.
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Post by Cres on Nov 20, 2005 2:49:13 GMT -5
Chip smiled to himself and let his hands slide from the boy's arms to his sides, following along as he continued down. When he got to Ace's belly, his hands closed on the swimming trunks and he started to pull them off, slowly trailing his lips down along with the movement, until Ace's midsection had no more cover. At that point he proceeded to pull the trunks off entirely, and let them drop onto the sand. He smirked as he looked at Ace and put his hands on the boy's ankles. From there he slid his hands along the boy's body up to his groin area, and closed his other hand around Ace's cock as he brought his body over him again, leaning his weight on his other elbow and reaching his head down to kiss Ace on the lips, his tongue darting out to meet Ace's lips again, testing how willing Ace was to open his mouth for their tongues to touch.
Meanwhile, his hand squeezed on Ace's delicate parts gently yet in a way that implied that he was in charge.
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Post by Kat on Nov 20, 2005 20:32:16 GMT -5
Ace felt Chip's hands slide down and pull at his trunks, then felt him as he ran his hands over his exposed flesh, the touches tender but explorative. Just this alone was plenty exciting for him-- if only any of his friends could see how much he got out of just being touched, they would be greatly surprised.
When Chip pulled his trunks completely off, though, leaving him there in the sand totally exposed, Ace did start to feel a little tremor of fear, unbidden memories alerting his body to tense up and watch out. His mind was fighting it though, replaying quickly all of the things Chip had done to win his trust, all of the things he'd done to win his love. When he felt Chip's hand grab his cock, again the two sides of him fought with one another.
For the time being, though, the logical side of him won out, something he was very happy about. He knew that Chip wouldn't do anything to hurt him and right now he was determined to really go as far as he'd be able to. He opened his lips immediately to allow Chip's tongue inside, his arms winding around his neck, letting Chip cover his body. He pushed his hips up a little, right into Chip's hand, wanting Chip to know how aroused he was, even though it was pretty obvious from how hard he currently was. Maybe he just wanted to show Chip that for right now, at least, he was still willing. He still felt excited at the prospect of letting Chip control the situation, of letting him be the one to judge body language to know how much would be enough.
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